Chris Quin

Am I Broken?

I’m ashamed to admit that 2 years ago I didn’t know anything about autism except the usual stereotypes I’d seen on TV.

Then 18 months ago my daughter came home from school exhausted and in tears again. It was happening regularly. She’d come home and just sleep or lie on her bed for hours. On this occasion she asked my wife and I if she was broken. ‘Am I broken?’ She said. That was it, we couldn’t let it continue. My amazing wife fortunately wasn’t as ill informed as me and suggested we got her tested for autism.

Within a matter of months she had been diagnosed, we could get her some help and she started to turn around. Within another 6 months my eldest daughter was also diagnosed autistic and ADHD. Seeing her come out of her shell has been inspiring. Both girls are more confident, are more aware of their self care and are happier than they have ever been.

For me personally it started a journey of understanding. I started to explore books and blogs and the more I learned the more it resonated with my own experiences. Earlier this year after much deliberation I decided to undertake my own assessment. In the summer I was also diagnosed as autistic and adhd.

I have always had a deep passion to understand myself. Throughout my life I have always felt different. Frustrated if I can’t do something, wondering why others can. Feeling like I need concrete foundations around me at all times. It now all makes so much sense - to put it into cycling terms, its not like I am not ‘fit enough’ or not trained properly. It’s literally neurological and sensory. It’s like I am competing a road race on a mountain bike and every one else is on a race bike. It doesn’t change my desire to improve and challenge my condition, but I am now much more accepting of myself and my needs.

So, I’m now ‘coming out’. I’ll talk about it to anyone who will listen. I’ll support anyone who needs help. I’ll give my knowledge and experience and hopefully I can learn more to be able to support myself and my family better. Maybe finally I can get to a place that I can stop compulsively biting my nails too.

So to start, here I am riding 220 miles for Ambitious About Autism. A fantastic way to bring together my special interests and hopefully do some good.

So please do sponsor me and help me reach my goal. I’ll be so grateful. Thank you.

Chris